wakey wakey hands off snakey
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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