Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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