I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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