I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
