one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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