tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
