It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
is it fun? or sober?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
