Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just tell him i said nine months
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
