pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
