Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
