More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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