I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
