he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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