I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
