I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
