FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
