What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
