Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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