i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
