the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
