There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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