come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
