He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
