Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
