I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
