WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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