wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
