bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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