Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
