i wish my penis had a tongue
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize