I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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