dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
