I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
