i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
