instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
