She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
