I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
