Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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