Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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