I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
