Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
