I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How's work?
Spinning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
