Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
