The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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