I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
