she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
