So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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