Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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