New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
