i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
