she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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