Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The struggles of a small town man whore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
