long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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