She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
