toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
