bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
