is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
