Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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