dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
