billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
