Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
