remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
