umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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