I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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