if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
