i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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