You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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