can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
