It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
