its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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