i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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